21 Funny Tweets To Keep Your Evening Full Of Quality Entertainment

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mattstaff
Nov 10, 2017 11:00 PM EST

Twitter continues to be a treasure trove for high quality entertainment. So many undiscovered comedians tweeting out unforgettable little gems that had us on the floor laughing. 

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  • 01
    Text - Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott Follow "You CAN even." white girl life coach
    via Twitter
  • 02
    Text - Bryan Donaldson Follow TheNardvark When I pick my daughter up from day care she screams "DADDY!" and runs towards me for a hug and it's like be cool bitch you look desperate.
    via Twitter
  • 03
    Text - Bill Murray @BillMurray Follow I hate when I'm on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.
    via Twitter
  • 04
    Text - Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.
    via Twitter
  • 05
    Text - Awkward Penguin PENGUIN UnSOcialPenguin Open birthday card* *PRETENDS NOT TO NOTICE MONEY WHILE READING CARD*
    via Twitter
  • 06
    Text - Matt Ford Follow @fordm BRUCE WAYNE: How can I rid this city of crime ALFRED: Mental health care access, economic development, gun reg- BRUCE: Bring me a cape
    via Twitter
  • 07
    Text - REW @therealeatwood Want some milk? - Eww is it breast milk? No no it comes from a 1500-pound animal with four stomachs -Oh OK then, cool
    via Twitter
  • 08
    Text - Ed Sheeran Follow @edsheeran It upsets me when restaurants think they are too good for ketchup. No one is too good for ketchup. Ketchup is too good for you.
    via Twitter
  • 09
    Text - JB @Just_Like_John Follow "Skinny pill"? They're called eccies mate and of course they make you skinny, you canny eat if you can't find yer jaw
    via Twitter
  • 10
    Text - James Breakwell eXplodingUnicorn bed time] Me: Your mom told you to stay in bed. 3-year-old: There's a scary monster in my closet Me: Scarier than Mom? 3: *goes to bed*
    via Twitter
  • 11
    Text - PapesWasho @PaperWash Follow [campfire] and before cell phones we had to call our friends house's "kids gasp* sometimes their parents answered *one kid throws up*
    via Twitter
  • 12
    Text - Alcoholic Tweets Follow @alcohol_tweets Mom says "alcohol is your enemy" Jesus says "Love your enemy"
    via Twitter
  • 13
    Text - Scott Zaleski Follow @ScottonTheRocks Yesterday, an 11-year old in California graduated from College. Today, it took me, a 24-year old, three tries to spell 'restaurant.'
    via Twitter
  • 14
    Text - Shark @AbrasiveGhost HER: do u have a condom ME: u bet [whistles] [an eagle flies thru the window & drops off a cat H: holy shit M: ya sometimes he brings cats
    via Twitter
  • 15
    Text - chuuch @ch000ch Romeo: check out this cat video Juliet: omg dead Juliet: hello Juliet: romeo Juliet: i didn't mean literally dead Juliet: romeo
    via Twitter
  • 16
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes Follow [sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."
    via Twitter
  • 17
    Text - Barack & Joe @Barack and Joe Follow Obama: any good ideas in how to defeat isis? *Biden raises hand* Obama: besides assembling the Avengers? *Biden lowers hand*
    via Twitter
  • 18
    Text - Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds Being a father is the single greatest feeling on| |earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
    via Twitter
  • 19
    Text - @LaziestCanine Cop: 911 whats your emergency Me: I've been stabbed multiple times in the back Cop: [Pulls up picture of a fake friend] i know the feeling
    via Twitter
  • 20
    Text - Kim Monte @KimmyMonte Titanic (1997): a boat gets murdered by an ice cube.
    via Twitter
  • 21
    Text - CBS Follow @ClaeBrown me: i wanna show you the world "looks at bank account* me: i wanna show you the block
    via Twitter

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twitter relatable comedy social media ridiculous funny funny twitter
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